Rebuilding
by BeWhoYouAreScrewEverythingElse
Summary: Katniss is no longer the Capitol's toy, but she still feels like she is. She discovers how to live again, but will the ghosts of her past continue to haunt her, as well as her children? Post-Mockingjay, pre- & post-Epilogue. Sequel will be started soon "From the Ground Up"
1. Dead Weight

This is post-Mockingjay, before the Epilogue. Probably a few months after Peeta arrives at District 12.

I don't own anything.

"Are you completely sure?" He asks me for the umpteenth time.

"More sure than anything." I reply smoothly, my voice only trembling a little. Peeta sighs and brings the knife down again; his breath fanning the back of my neck.

"I don't want you to regret this." He murmurs in my ear.

"I just want to be free. No more Mockingjay, no more obligations. No more capitol invading my daily life." He nods, understanding exactly what I mean. My braid used to be a part of me, the Capitol has ruined it. It was now a constant reminder of the games; I have dreams for that. I could deal with one less reminder.

"Could you at least give me that?" I whisper.

"Of course. You should know by now that I'd never deny you anything." My heart flutters but also feels heavier. I know he still feels guilt over what happened in District 13; how he almost strangled me in a blind rage. I think he's scared too; scared that if he comes out of a raging nightmare that he may no longer recognize me as the person he loves.

"I still feel guilt about it every night. I don't want to add another thing to my list if this isn't what you truly want." He explains slowly. I turn around slowly to face him and look straight into his lovely blue eyes.

"I want this." I tell him, my voice no longer wavering. I lean forward and place a light, lingering kiss to his lips. He nods again and makes a motion with his hand for me to turn around. He delicately strokes my hair before completely cutting it off with the blade. It only takes a few strokes for me to feel my hair fall thickly to the ground.

It feels weird, no longer having this weight attached to my head. In harder times it kept me sane, reminding me of what was real but also always reminding me of my obligations to my country. In a mere moment I am no longer the Mockingjay; no longer the girl from before the reaping. I am just Katniss; a girl – no woman - broken beyond repair, with a man just as damaged as herself.

Peeta takes the scissors from our kitchen table and starts cutting into my hair, attempting to get some sort of style going. If anyone in District 12 could do this, it would be my Peeta hands down. I smile to myself. My Peeta. He lightly blows on my neck to get rid of excess hair. I turn to face him.

"How do I look?" I ask him all jokes and coy. He studies my face and hair for a moment.

"Perfect." He tells me. "Would you like to see yourself?" I nod my head quickly, suddenly really excited to see myself. He shyly picks up the mirror and hands it to me.

As I look into my reflection a real smile graces my features; one that causes your eyes to crinkle and make your cheekbones rise an inch. Peeta leans in and rest his head on my shoulder, his hand stroking my hair softly.

"How do you feel?" He asks.

"Human," I reply simply. "for the first time in a long time."

He smiles.


	2. Worth It

Uh oh, I feel a series of one shots coming along. I will not be updating every day, just so you know now. But I will definitely take requests and I love the feedback that I got from just the previous chapter so I hope you all enjoy. I don't own anything.

I also don't have much time to write so I apologize for a few grammar errors every now and again. I usually only have time for one edit. :P

I feel a fluttering in my stomach and I am knocked breathless. It is now a daily reminder of my predicament. You would think that at the prime age of thirty-three that a woman wouldn't be so terrified by the thought of being pregnant. But most women haven't gone through what I have.

It's been fifteen years since Peeta came back to District 12, our one true home. Despite the disaster and constant rebuilding it will always be our home. Before and after that 74th Hunger Games it was a nightmare. Before the games, because of the poverty that surrounded me and for the abuse Peeta received from the hands of his mother. After the first games we thought we would be happier; Peeta could be away from his mother and I would never have to worry about my family going hungry, we would be safe. But when every person in town is watching your moves, when you know your voice is being recorded in your own house; safety is not a term that comes to mind.

It's almost comforting that the population is smaller now, it feels peaceful. It was still a nightmare for many residents, especially the reminders of lost families. They found it easier to live someplace else, rebuilding without the memories. I don't think Peeta and I could have a home anywhere else.

he Peeta cries in his sleep sometimes. He cries for a family he no longer knows; cries for a mother who didn't know how to love him; for a father that did and for his lost brothers. Peeta tried to rebuild the old family bakery, but it was too hard on him. Instead he turned my house into a bakery. There were too many memories for me to continue living there, I would always see my mother and Prim sitting at our kitchen table. We moved the Primrose bushes to Peeta's house instead. I won't ever forget them or stop missing them, but it was time to move on. There has been so much remodelling to the place that I could hardly recognize it from the old location. It feels fresher, newer, the way I felt after cutting off my braid and sporting my shorter haircut. It had been my way of getting rid of the Capitol, rebuilding my home had been his.

My attention is once again disturbed by the fluttering in my stomach. I hate touching my belly - not because of the tiny baby growing inside of it – but because of the scars. It makes me feel guilt for my unborn child; knowing that she is being carried in a broken body. If I could touch my stomach without running into scars I think it would be easier to love the baby. But the scars constantly put me on edge, knowing what the Capitol was once capable of, and worrying that it might happen again. The scars make me feel ugly too, like even though I got rid of my hair, I will never be able to get rid of these. It reminds me that Coin had almost become president. I take a deep breath and am forever grateful that Paylor got elected in after she temporarily replaced Coin.

Many people still wonder why I did it; why I went insane and killed the president. I remind myself that I did it so that the districts could finally live in safety, and now my unborn child can too. Even though I say these things to myself every day, I don't think I will ever truly believe it.

Peeta comes in after a hard day of working at the new bakery; I smile brightly as he comes in. He finds me in the front hallway, looking at a reflection of myself in the mirror; holding my belly. He approaches me and kisses me on the lips before whispering I love you in my ear. He quickly drops to his knees and pulls up his loose sweater which I wear. He puts both hands on my stomach before leaning in and kissing my belly. I cringe a little when his hands touch my scars, and he knows by now that it isn't from pain.

"I love you too." He whispers against it. It's our daily ritual, when he comes home from the bakery or when I come back from hunting. We agreed that when I hit month five in a few weeks that I will no longer go out. I'm not sure what I will do with my time. I can't sleep without Peeta by my side, constantly reassuring me that this is real.

My thoughts are again interrupted by the fluttering, as if I could forget that I'm pregnant. This child is constantly reminding me. I smile at the thought of her being super stubborn and constantly demanding my attention.

"Mama, mama, I want up. Mama, mama, I want a cookie. Mama, mama, where's daddy?" My eyes prick at the thought. Though this pregnancy causes worse nightmares than I've had in years, I know that ultimately it will be worth it. The way my heart already aches for her and the way Peeta eyes light up every time we talk about baby names.

We don't know for sure that it's a girl, I just have a feeling that it is. Peeta doesn't care, he's just ecstatic that we're having a baby. I tell Peeta that I hope she has his blonde hair and blue eyes because he's so beautiful, but I also wish it so that she could look like Prim. I know it's terrible, but some days I just miss her so badly that I just curl up into a ball and cry. Some days I do just that. Even fifteen years later the pain will never go away, it will always be lingering in the background. The pain accompanied by the loss of Finnick, Peeta's family, and so many others.

Peeta draws me away from my mind when he notices that I've gone rigid. He brings me back to reality, and reminds me that there is so much to still live for. Though this pregnancy has been the hardest thing I've ever done, "It will be worth it", I tell myself. It will be worth it.


	3. Fresh Start

I did not expect to update so soon, but I was suddenly inspired (and I don't want to study). Thanks for all the encouragement. I didn't expect to get six reviews in two days. And I find it even crazier than I have 145 views. I think this chapter is a bit more common and expected, but I hope you enjoy it none the less.

Her blue eyes stare directly into mine as I ponder her existence. Did this really just happen? Did I really just bring this perfect little being into the world? She is still covered in mucus and blood as she lays across my chest, but she is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. I'm too shocked to even do anything, even try to hold her against me. I just stare at her, my jaw a little slack as her eyes close again. They had only opened for a second, and I was already enraptured by her.

Peeta rests his chin on my shoulder, his arms holding our little girl to my chest. She had been facing the upwards instead of down in my belly, so the nurses had to try to twist her around before birth; otherwise her blood supply might have gotten cut off. Peeta had sat behind me and held me close; giving my body the support it needed to not twist with the nurse's firm grip. Eventually our baby had flipped the right way and everything seemed to speed up. Peeta secured himself to the rails of the bed, while my hands clenched against his forearms. I could feel his chest rise against my back and it helped to even my breathing, and to remind me that I wasn't alone in all of this.

It had been one final push and she was introduced to the world, my perfect little angel. She was small, even for a newborn, but that may have been due to the amount of stress I experienced throughout pregnancy. She would have rolled right off my chest if Peeta hadn't secured his arms around her. And here we sit, with our perfect little miracle in his arms. My eyes start to flutter with exhaustion and Peeta can feel my body sinking closer into his.

The nurse comes by and picks her up, my eyes snapping open as I watch where the woman is taking my daughter.

"Where's she going?" I ask Peeta, a little bit of hysteria reaching my voice. "What are they doing with her?" My mind immediately fills with terror. Had that woman had any surgical enhancements? Was she secretly from the Capitol and was now taking my baby away from me? Was it a minion of Coin's, seeking revenge from her assassination from so long ago? Peeta immediately starts running his arms up and down my own.

"Shh," he murmurs. "She's just cleaning her up." Despite this my body refuses to relax, I can't see my daughter and I begin to panic. My sight gets interrupted by white splotches and I will myself to not pass out.

"Katniss," Peeta interrupts my panic attack. "She's fine. We're safe. We're in District 12. Everything is okay." Before he can continue the woman returns with our daughter in her arms. This time I am ready. I prop my arms ready to receive my little girl, and I hold onto her tightly as soon as the woman releases her into my grasp.

All of my worries drop away when I see her again, fast asleep in my arms. No chance of seeing the blue eyes but I am just as mesmerized by her. My breathing slows back to a normal pace and I realize how irrational I had been acting before. I can feel Peeta chuckle behind me and I glare at him to make him stop. Now that she is no longer covered in fluid I notice more things about her. She is much more tan than Peeta, her complexion almost completely matching my own. Her eyelashes are dark and long; they flutter in her sleep. She almost looks completely like me; the only thing I've noticed of Peeta's is her eyes and rosy full lips.

A little knit hat sits on top of her head to keep her warm, but my curiosity gets the best of me and I pull it off without disturbing her sleep. I am shocked to see thin brown curly locks, so much and so little like my own hair. It instantly reminds me of Rue and I feel a sob rise in my throat as my eyes fill with tears. I quickly put her hat back on.

"It reminds you of Rue, doesn't it?" Peeta says, reading my thoughts. It seems like he knows me now better than I know myself. I nod so that my voice doesn't break. "Do you want to name her after Rue?" He whispers in my ear. I shake my head back and forth quickly.

"No, she deserves to have a fresh start. I don't want the past haunting her every day." Peeta nods understandingly. "How about for a middle name?" He asks.

"That sounds good; a way to honour her." I smile widely at my little girl as she fusses a little before calming herself down.

"She's already like you." He says into my ear.

"Not her eyes." I murmur.

"You saw them?" He asks, suddenly excited.

"Yes, bright blue." I turn my head to look at Peeta for the first time since her birth. "I hope they never change." I say as I stare into his own blue ones. I see tear tracks on his cheeks and watch as his eyes overflow again. I lean into him and kiss his tear-stained cheeks, his eyelids closing at the contact.

"How about Lily?" I murmur, sweetly.

"Lily Rue Mellark." He speaks loudly, testing it out. "I like it. It keeps with your family history too." He smiles fondly.

"That doesn't mean when we have a son that we'll name his after bread." I tell him quickly. His eyes soften at my words.

"So we'll definitely be having another one then?" He smiles ruefully.

"Someday." I say quietly, shocking both of us.

"Someday." He whispers back after a moment, as he leans forward and kisses me slowly on the lips.

Just a side note: my dad sat behind my mom during my birth and I had also been facing the wrong way. I've always found that idea super sweet so I decided to include it in the story. As always, please review, as by now you have already read it.


	4. Breathing

Yikes, I should be studying but…oh well. Physiology sucks. :P

I struggle to keep her in my arms as she keeps squirming away. She complains that it hurts but I know she is just crying crocodile tears. If I don't brush her hair now then it's going to be a huge matted mess later and it_ will_ actually hurt then. I finally calm her down enough to explain this but even so she still sniffles when I start brushing her curls. Peeta told me he had a similar problem when he was young, but his mum just decided to shave his head instead of tame the curls. Unfortunately, that isn't an option for Lily.

One day Lily tried to braid her hair and it became a cobweb so tangled I had to cut a few chunks of it off. We have resigned her to putting her hair in two little buns at the back of her head, promising to braid it when she is older. She had seen a portrait Peeta had done of me long ago and exclaimed loudly that she wants to be just like mommy when she grows up. I told her it was time for a nap even though she had already taken one today and I retired to my bedroom. I ended up crying for over an hour. Even to this day, memories of the Games are so fresh in my head; it could have happened yesterday. After that we make sure that the book with all of the history was kept on a high shelf, away from her prying hands and eyes.

Lily is always trying to wiggle her way out of everything. She seems to think that she has her father's persuasive tongue but I can safely say that she is just as blunt as I am. So far today she managed to persuade Peeta to give her a cookie before dinner, and to forgo her evening bath. Peeta is putty in her hands and she knows it. He says it's because she looks just like me. We worry that she might get herself into some trouble; and one day she finally does.

I had been out hunting in the woods while Peeta stayed home with her. He has gone to use the loo and Lily had managed to open a door handle (we did not know she could do this yet). She had successfully opened the door to Peeta's study, where all of his artwork was. Lily had also successfully knocked over many of his pictures. Of course, the ones she sees were of the 74th hunger games. I am forever grateful that she didn't see the ones of the 75th, where my image is morphed into a monster's.

Her high-pitched scream brought Peeta running for her and he immediately scooped her up before leaving the room, and closing the door firmly behind him. Lily had spent the night in our bed with me, while Peeta slept over at the bakery. He felt such guilt over what happened even though I assured him that it wasn't his fault, and that at two years old it was doubtful that she'd even remember it. We both know the last part was a lie, no one can forget the pictures once they've been seen.

Six months later we were proven right. On her third birthday she asked us for a bow and arrow, like mommy uses. We thought that she was just trying to follow in my footsteps, she _is_ practically my mini-me. Lily said she wanted to protect herself from the monsters in daddy's room. After a beat we told her that those monsters don't exist, and that they are just pictures. Even at three years old, I could tell that she knew we were lying to her. We locked the door for a safety measure but that turned out to be unnecessary; Lily avoided that door at all costs.

And then we try to forget that these things happened; until Lily brings it up again. Every time she does I find that I can't breathe and I have to leave the room. Eventually she brings it up less and less.

I hate this. I hate that at the age of four she has had to learn how to be strong for her parents. I feel like I'm turning into my own mother but I refuse to shut down. Peeta is still here, Lily is still here and I'm still here. That's all I need.

So the next time she brings it up, my breathing stops again. I close my eyes, and count to ten. I open them slowly and pick up my little girl in my arms. I say to her "Don't worry. Mommy's here and mommy loves you. Daddy's here and he loves you too. You are safe. Nothing bad is going to happen." She smiles brightly at me before leaning her head down on my chest.

Even after all this time every day is a new battle. But looking into Lily's eyes, Peeta and I are learning to breathe again. Learning to close our eyes, take a breath. So when we open them again; we are prepared for the next hurdle the world will through at us.

This kind of goes over some of the struggles that Peeta and Katniss have to go through. It starts with the superficial ones and leads to the hard ones. I know this post is over a few years instead of a day but I hope you enjoy it. The next chapter will be about baby #2. Big hurdle coming up soon too.


	5. Too Soon

Well shit, I should really study. And the saddest thing is I wrote this yesterday. I hope you enjoy reading it.

I'm five months along when the cramps hit. And these hurt, a lot. I bleed a little too and it worries Peeta and I immensely. We go see our doctor the next day and she tells us it's just Braxton Hicks contractions, also known as false labour. She tells them some pregnant women experience them and that I will probably continue to have them throughout this pregnancy. I can deal with that.

What I can't deal with is the nightmares; before they were all the same. Hunger games, Peeta or Lily dying, ways I could have died. These ones are worse. Snow or Coin are always present. They use their claws and open my belly and steal my baby right out of me. I wake up screaming and I know it scares Lily a lot so I try to muffle them into a pillow while Peeta calms me down. They are less frequent than the nightmares during Lily's pregnancy but they terrify me much more. They leave me shaking in the morning and wishing that I never have to sleep. Being around Lily makes it easier. It reminds me that she made it out okay.

I hug her closely every morning before she struggles away to go play with Haymitch's geese or to go read a book. She's growing up so fast and it makes me glow seeing how happy she is and knowing that she will never have the Hunger Games looming over her. The doctor says the baby is small which worries me to no end; smaller than even Lily was. Aren't babies supposed to get bigger with each pregnancy? Plus a slower heart rate makes me panic every now and again. This baby moves a lot less than Lily but she's still moving none the less. Eventually I settle down with Peeta's constant reassurances and life goes back to normal.

Three weeks later, everything goes to hell. I saw that Lily had left her bedroom after her nap so I went to go see what she was up to, assuming that she was in the kitchen trying to sneak a cookie. Another Braxton Hicks contraction had hit me at the top of the stairs, and it threw me off balance. I fell. All the way down. I'm completely numb. My thighs are completely covered in blood and I have no idea where it's coming from. My ankle is twisted at an unnatural angle. I hear a soft whisper from behind me.

"Mommy?" Lily says so quietly. I look towards her and stop myself from screaming out in pain.

"Go get daddy, okay hun? He's at the bakery. Can you do that? And then go straight to Uncle Haymitch's after. I'm okay, I promise." I say in my more reassuring and calm voice. She nods slowly and bolts out the front door. No four and a half year old should have to see their mother in pain. I feel an extremely heavy pressure on my stomach, but it's not at all like labour. It's uncomfortable and I can immediately tell that it's wrong.

Peeta comes busting into the house minutes later. "Is she at Haymitch's?" I ask quickly.

"Yes." Peeta says immediately. "Haymitch say her running over to the bakery and decided to follow her there. He could tell that something was wrong. I've already called Delly and she's bringing the car around to pick us up to take us to the hospital." I nod quickly before I'm overcome with tears.

"I'm so sorry." I tell him. "I was going down the stairs when a contraction hit, and I just completely lost my footing. I'm so sorry Peeta, I'm so sorry." He just shushes me as I babble on and on. He holds me close to his chest and we cry together.

Delly arrives minutes later with paramedics in tow. They quickly lift me onto a stretcher and take me into the emergency room. The only thing keeping me sane is Peeta's warm hand in mine. The doctor does a quick ultrasound and decides that he needs to do an emergency Caesarean section.

"What?" I tell him. "But I haven't even hit six months yet. She's not ready." He tells me that if there is any chance of saving her than we must do the C-section now. They quickly put me on a painkiller and other drugs I don't know the name of. Mere minutes later a baby is out of my stomach and we see our baby girl for the first time. We aren't overcome by joy or awe like we were with Lily. We are quiet and solemn because she doesn't breathe. They don't let us hold her.

In that fleeting moment I am struck by how much she looks like Prim. A few tendrils of bright blonde hair that doesn't curl; and I'm sure she would've had blue eyes. The doctors take her away quickly and I know they're trying their best to save her, but we all know that it's too soon. She's just too little; barely larger than my hand.

Peeta and I are taken to a recovery room and Delly goes home after a few hours. A paediatric surgeon sets my ankle. The doctor comes in hours later and tells us that he did everything he could. I tell him that it's okay and that I know he did. He seems boggled that I'm trying to comfort him. Being a mother does strange things to a person.

Peeta cries unashamedly into my shoulder and I comfort him too as I am overcome by my own tears. I know I need to feel the pain now. We need to feel it so we don't go numb. So we don't turn into people like my mother. It just hurts so much. It's so heavy in my chest and I can't breathe properly anymore.

Peeta grips my hands tightly and whispers sweet nothings into my ear trying to convince me that this isn't my fault. I let him even though all I want to do now is push him away and wallow in self-pity. I wonder if his hijacks will come back now; since I killed his child. It makes me into a real monster; I've killed not only other children but now my own.

Prim would tell me that this isn't my fault, I reason. Tons of women miscarry, especially in District 12. But that was the old world; we're living in the new one. I am overcome by grief and I miss my sister so much. I wish that she was here with me more than anything.

I know that Peeta and I will get past this eventually, but right now we're going to just hold each other and cry.

Don't hate me for doing this chapter. Please don't. Please read and review though. I will be updating in two to three days because my exam is tomorrow.


	6. Missing You

This is a follow-up from the previous chapter. And I couldn't just bear to leave this story after the last one. But warning, this one has a cliff-hanger. And who am I kidding, these are no longer one shots. It's pretty much a story now. :P And please don't hate me.

Time goes by so slowly. The clock strums in monotonous tones. Tick. Tick. Tick. I'm not sleeping. I know Peeta isn't either. We lay on our backs on our bed, holding each other's hands; merely waiting for eight o'clock to come up. We've both stopped crying by now. There are simply no more tears to be shed.

Eventually eight o'clock rolls around, and life goes on. I get up and go to Lily's room to wake her up. Peeta goes to the kitchen to start making breakfast while I comb through Lily's curls. She still begs for me the braid it but I tell her that she isn't ready, making up lies about her hair not being thick enough yet. The truth is, I'm not ready yet. I'm not ready for my toddler to become a little girl. Instead I put her hair in two pigtails, which she loves anyway.

It had been exactly one month since we lost the baby. I came home a few days after my emergency C-section with stitches in my belly; just more scars. Her body had been at the morgue and Peeta and I couldn't bear to leave her there alone. So we arranged to have her burned to ashes. She sits in a vase on a dresser, neither of us quite sure what to do with her.

As we sit down to have breakfast this morning Peeta tells me that we should call my mother and Annie. I quickly agree, seeing some fresh faces would do us good.

Two weeks later Annie arrives, a day before my mother does. She is all bright-eyed and beautiful as she gushes over how big Lily has gotten and little Finn chases her around. Lily loves having him here; she would've made a great sister. It's nice to have a cheery atmosphere for once. We let Annie's happiness wash over us and we even begin to smile again. I mean smile for real. We are constantly smiling for Lily, not letting our sadness take over her life.

I ask Annie in private how she did it, how she got past Finnick.

"I never really did." She says. My heart sinks at this news. "You just learn to live with the pain, and it becomes a little less of a burden every day. You'll get there one day Katniss." I sigh, wondering if I ever will. Just thinking about Prim hurts so bad, but I guess I've learned how to dull the pain over time.

When my mom comes over I didn't expect what was coming. She tearily hugs me close and keeps telling me that it's okay, again and again. It's kind of nice not to be the mom for once. She also does the same for Peeta, I appreciate that. She accepts him fully as a part of her family. My mom usually visited twice a year to see how I was doing, and was visiting three times a year after Lily was born. Before she had been stiff and awkward, now she was warm and kind. I feel it melt a little of the ice around my heart. I hug her back tightly, relishing in the feel of my mother's arms around.

I know Peeta's doing better, feeling a bit happier. I wish I could say the same. It just feels like something is missing, or rather someone.

A month later we invite Johanna over too.

"How dare you forget to invite me over? I know Annie came over a month ago, but I feel like you should have treated me with a bit more respect you know." Johanna is all brash and in charge and I realize just how much I've missed her. I hug her tightly and bawl into her clothes, the very last thing she expected from me. She tentatively pats my back and Peeta laughs at her expression.

"I'm sorry." I say. "I've just missed you a lot." We both know it's a lame excuse but she lets it slide. We tell her that we've been having difficulty saying goodbye to the baby we never really met. She suggests that we name her.

"It just seems right doesn't it? It's like proof that she existed once, even if she was only ever alive in your stomach." We immediately tell her we don't want to do that but the idea sticks with us after a while.

It's a bewildering thing; looking up names for someone who has passed. No matter how hard we try we can't seem to find a name that sticks. I've seen a couple that I like but nothing seems to really fit, and it is distressing as well because we don't want to have a funeral until after she has a name.

Months later, Peeta suddenly slams down yet _another_ baby book.

"Why is this so hard? Why can't we just make a decision about this?" He asks, just as frustrated as I am.

"I don't know!" I scream back at him, even though we both know he's not the one I'm really screaming at. I'm glad Lily is at Uncle Haymitch's. I feel guilty that she's been spending so much time there and I vow to spend more time with her. She'll be starting school soon and I need to find out when they learn about the Games. Peeta and I had decided long ago that we wanted to tell our kids about it first, so there are no surprises when they're sitting in class and our names suddenly pop up.

It's a month later when the phone rings.

"Katniss, is that you?" I hear a voice that I would recognize anywhere. My eyes fill with tears.

I hope you enjoyed reading this! 3 Please review. They'll be no more updates for a few days now. And I'm sorry to leave you hanging like this. But it's better than the last one, right?


	7. Reuniting

Author's Note: Hey guys, I had my final last night! Hooray! So I'm back to writing. I have the next two already ready to go but I'll only be uploading one a day. I'm assuming that my lack of reviews of Chapter 5 is people upset with how the storyline went. I don't know but I always felt like there was a large age gap between their two kids and when Katniss got pregnant when she did it didn't make sense to me. I didn't expect the storyline to take this path it just sort of did. As I said before, please don't hate me too much.

"Katniss?" I hear again.

"Yeah, it's me." I say after a second. "Why are you calling?" It had been twenty years after all.

"I have some news. I was wondering if I could stop by sometime next week. I'll only be in District 12 for the day." He tells me.

"Why now, Gale?" I ask him, genuinely curious.

He pauses. "I just really need to see my best friend."

"Okay." I reply quietly. "What day are you coming?" We hash out all the arrangements and I leave enough time so that if Peeta doesn't want Gale to come than I can cancel. I wake Lily from her nap after I hang up and hold her closely to my chest; whispering "I love you" into her hair. It's her birthday soon so I'll have to start planning something for her. I could never forgive myself if I forgot something so vital.

Over dinner that night I tell Peeta about the call I received. His face goes blank for a second and he seems to be stuck on a thought.

"Good." He says simply.

"Good? So you're okay with him coming to visit?" I asked, a little bewildered. He nods slowly.

"I really think it could do us a lot of good. I know it's always been on the back of your mind. After all this time you can get at least a piece of your best friend back." He looks up at me through his blonde eyelashes and smiles innocently. I don't think I've ever loved him more than I did in that moment.

"I love you." I tell him, and he responds in turn.

"Well, I love both of you." Lily suddenly chimes in, and we respond to her in turn too. Peeta and I both laugh at her antics and I suddenly can't remember the last time we did.

Peeta and I make love that night; the first time since we lost the baby. It feels like everything is finally falling into place.

Six days later Gale arrives at our front door. He is surprised to say the least when Lily opens it widely and yells, "Welcome to our home. My name is Lily and you are Gale." before grabbing his hand and dragging him into the room. I can safely say that this 6'3 man in uniform is not used to a child not being scared of him. We had explained to Lily earlier that an old friend was coming to visit and she got extremely excited; she loves to meet new people. She drags him all the way to the family room where I was sitting reading a book to her. Lily makes him sit down on the coach across from me before sitting down beside him.

"We should have tea. It's only proper for when guests are over." She starts explaining to Gale.

"Honey, Gale and I are going to have grown up talk first. Why don't you go play in your room for a few minutes?" I ask her. She sighs.

"Ten minutes?" She asks, demanding my acceptance.

"Ten minutes." I promise. She takes the book from my lap and brings it with her as she climbs upstairs to her room.

"Well I can see that she keeps your busy." Gale chuckles to himself.

"She most certainly does." I reply, chuckling in turn.

"She looks so much like you, or at least how you used to look." He comments, most likely referring to my hair, maybe my age. He looks much older too. I notice a few grey hairs sprouting at his temples, and his eyes have little crows' feet around them.

"Lily's much more like Peeta, even though she'll never admit to that." I smile fondly before getting to the task at hand. I was never one to beat around the bush. "Why are you here, Gale?"

"I'm getting married." I smile, expecting this.

"Well then I'm really happy for you." I tell him sincerely.

"I would like for you to come. I know it's a lot to ask and I know it's been a while, but it would mean so much to me if you were there." He explains.

"Twenty years isn't a while Gale." I tell him. He sighs to himself. "Why didn't you call? You knew where I was? I had no way to contact you."

"I felt guilty, okay? I feel it all the time, like Prim's death will always be on my shoulders. You have no idea what it's like..." He trails off.

"I have a better idea than you think. It wasn't your fault Gale…"

"The hell it is." Before he can speak again I jump in.

"Believe it or not, I do know what it is like; to feel immediately responsible for the death of a loved one." I almost break down but I steady myself. I go on to tell him about our unnamed child, he clings onto my words like a lifeline. He seems speechless.

Lily storms down the stairs. "It has been _way_ longer than ten minutes." She demands. I quickly brighten up and she runs over to Gale and I. She looks him right in the eye.

"We're gonna have a tea party now." She tells him before dragging out her tea set from underneath "her" kitchen cupboard.

A couple of hours later, Peeta comes home to find me making dinner and Lily using Gale's face as a canvas. My makeup is sprawled all around her as she once again applies a different colour of eyeshadow to Gale's eyelids.

"I see she's suckered you into that too." He remarks to Gale.

"She is way too persuasive. She's definitely grown into your tongue." He says cheekily back. Peeta just shakes his head and walks away to wash up for dinner.

Author's Note: Yes, I am aware that a large part of this chapter was fluff. It's sort of me making up for Chapter 5, and I also wanted to explain Lily's stage in life and how she isn't really completely aware yet of what's going on. I like writing about her, she's a really fun character for me.

Oh, and a side note for my author's note; 639 views!? My goodness that's really exciting! I just wish I was getting more reviews. I have received 10 reviews so far. I was hoping to get around three or four per chapter but it doesn't look like that's going to happen. If you have the chance, can you leave me a quick note? Do you like the direction this story is taking? I've also been trying to work on Chapter 10 all day, and I am so stuck on what happens next. :P Anyway, have a good day. Happy reading!


	8. Forgiving

PLEASE READ AUTHOR'S NOTE AT THE END!

After dinner, Gale and I take a walk. We end up in the woods and stop to lie down on our rock. We haven't been to it in over twenty years. It feels strange but right at the same time.

"Gale, why do you think you can't move on from Prim's death?" I ask him.

"I don't know. I guess I've just always been waiting for someone's forgiveness." He says. I nod understandingly.

"I guess I'm waiting for the same. But it's still not your fault," I say before he cuts me off.

"You'll never be able to convince me otherwise." He says bluntly. I sigh and lie back, closing my eyes.

"You know, Primrose Mellark has a nice ring to it." Gale says a moment later.

"We didn't want to name her after the dead." I say quickly.

"Hmm, then maybe think of something that's important to you; something that… I don't know…._means_ something. Associate her with happiness, which might make this whole…process easier?" I laugh at his attempt. Despite this my mind can't help but fill with a specific memory from so long ago. I look over to him to see him staring back at me.

"Gale, I forgive you." I tell him. His eyes open widely and he smiles softly.

"Katniss, I forgive you." I'm not sure what it is, but it seems like the weight on my chest has lessened significantly, letting me breathe again. I know just by looking at Gale that he feels the same.

When it starts getting dark we head back, content in each other's silence. I find Peeta on the coach with Lily struggling to stay awake.

"You know its way past her bedtime." I tell him. He pouts at me.

"She wanted to say bye to Gale." I roll my eyes and lean down to kiss him.

"I guess that's alright." I say.

After a sleepy hug from Lily, Gale heads out for the night. Peeta gives him a handshake and it seems like they'll be at peace with each other. I lean forward and give him a tight hug.

"See you later Catnip." He tells me as he starts to walk away.

"Don't you dare be a stranger!" I yell after him. Gale just laughs as he walks away, and I know it won't be the last time I see him. "And there better be three seats at your wedding for us!" Peeta starts laughing at me then, and I finally feel like my life has come full circle.

Later that night, we lay on our sides and it seems like sleep may actually claim us. It's been so long since I've slept for more than a few hours.

"How does Affodell Primrose Mellark sound?" I ask Peeta quietly, not wanting to interrupt the silent night.

"Why Affodell?" He asks me, clearly confused.

"It's another name for daffodil." I explain shortly; I know I don't need to say anything else. He understands completely.

"It sounds perfect." He whispers before we both fall into a peaceful sleep.

Author's Note: I know it's a bit of a weird name but I just thought it suited the situation so perfectly. I was going to make the chapter longer but I like where it ended. This chapter was really fun to write and I feel like it helps put the baby to rest. The next chapter will not be focusing around Affodell or Gale.

PLEASE READ:

I hate to be this kind of person, but I have had over 391 visitors and 1045 chapter views. I have still only received 11 reviews. That means that only 1% of people review my work, which kind of really sucks. And though it's amazing that I've gotten so many views, it really puts a damper on things to not have any feedback at all (especially since I update virtually every day).

So here's what is going to happen. I will update the next chapter when I get nine more reviews. There is still a lot of storyline I want to write, and the next chapter will be very different (we've got some serious fluff going on).

So the goal is to have 20 reviews total, I need nine. That is not a lot I'm asking for. Please send me some feedback, I reply to every review I get (those of you who review my work (I LOVE YOU) know this).

Happy reading!


	9. Relearning

_I'm just going to pretend that favourites and followers are the equivalent of reviews but I don't want to leave people who do review hanging. And I forgot to mention this before, but Affodell and Dandelion have always gone hand-in-hand in my mind, I'm not sure why. I was worried a lot of readers would lose the significance of her name if I didn't mention that. :P_

At the prime age of seven, Lily has finally put her foot down on archery lessons _and_ braiding her hair.

"You can't tell me that my hair is too thin, and I am strong enough to hold a bow. Mommy, please please please teach me." She drops to her knees dramatically and gives me her best puppy eyes; and I'm sad to say it worked. I brush through her hair before splitting it into two parts. I tell her that we're going to give her two braids for now, that she can have a single braid when she's older. She starts to make a fuss until I threaten to not do her hair at all. Finally Lily settles down and sits patiently in front of me while I start doing the braids.

My mind wanders back to Peeta and I's argument this morning. He wants to have another kid; I insist that I'm still not ready. Even though it has been two and a half years since we lost Affodell I still miss her. I'm just so scared. What if I fall and hurt myself again? Or what if a freak accident like one of Haymitch's geese runs into me? I don't want to go through that heartache again. He reminds me of the joy that raising Lily has been, and I can't help but see his side of the argument.

I look at my handiwork. It's certainly not as neat as mine or Prim's ever was; partly due to Lily's curls but also because I haven't done it in so long. Lily is beyond pleased anyway and jumps up and down. She tells me that she's going to run over to the bakery to show daddy quickly and then she'll come straight back for us to start her archery lessons. I really don't want to teach her because I fear that old memories will come back, but I know I can handle myself.

When Lily gets back to the bakery (after mooching a cookie or two from Peeta no doubt) we go to her bedroom so that I can pick out some clothes I don't mind getting ruined. She admires my jacket as I get dressed.

"Wow, where did you get that?" She asks in awe.

"It was my father's; your grandpa's." It seems like she barely heard me.

"Did he teach you how to shoot?" Lily inquires again.

"Yep, he did." I say, smiling at old memories. I take her hand and we start the long trek to the woods. We exit the wire fence and I make my way to the hollowed-out log. Old habits die hard.

"Why is your bow and arrows there?" She asks.

"A long time ago, hunting animals wasn't allowed. So we had to hide them." I explain to her. She accepts my answer and simply nods her head. I find an old bow from when I was little as well as my father's old one. I take both and only two arrows with me.

"Why so few?"

"We have to practice without the arrows first, and then we can practice with them."

It takes about two hours but I feel confident enough that her form is good. She spent the entire second hour just snapping the line and I kept waiting to hear to right sound so I knew she was doing it correctly. We sit down for a lunch break where Lily takes out some biscuits she got from the bakery.

"My arms are tired." She complains.

"Yep, it's hard work… Do you want to stop?" I ask her.

"No! Absolutely not, I can do this." I try to keep the smile off my face at her determination.

For an hour we practice shooting trees with just the one arrow (no point in having her ruin my stash). Only on the last try does she actually hit the tree, and it was in the branches instead of the trunk. She doesn't get frustrated like I did when she was little, she's patient like her father. Well, patient when learning things. Lily's not patient when she wants someone's attention.

I'm brought back to twenty years ago, when Peeta and I had been living together for a year after the war.

"_You're never going to hit anything. You're way too loud." I mock him. Peeta only shrugs in response._

"_If you can do it than I certainly can." I am mock-hurt by his mock-insult but we find ourselves smiling anyway._

"_Okay, okay. Here we go." I explain to him the formation and I laugh at his bravado position._

"_Hey Hawk Eye. Less showy, please." I stand to move behind him, and mirror his actions; repositioning his arms to a better formation. I put my hand over his on the bow._

"_Everdeen, are you trying to flirt with me?" Peeta asks suspiciously._

"_Stop being so full of yourself, your archery skills suck." I tease him. He suddenly drops the bow completely before tackling me to the floor, taking me by surprise. _

"_Stop being so coy, you know you want me." I laugh at his suggestive voice until I find myself completely pinned beneath him. He leans down and kisses me long and slow. Only over the last few months did we really start kissing at all. This prolonged one pits a fire in me and I lean up to keep our mouths connected, my hands reaching into his curly blonde locks; securing his face to mine. Eventually we separate to gasp some breath. Peeta leans forward to kiss me again but I interrupt him._

"_We need to make some bread later." I tell him breathlessly._

"_And why's that?" He counters, leaning down to kiss my neck._

"_To toast with." I tell him simply. He leans back up and I see that his eyes have widened dramatically and the biggest smile I've ever seen stretches across his face. It takes my breath away._

"_Absolutely." He tells me, before capturing my lips in a searing kiss._

Lily and I start making our way back home, three hours practice is more than enough for a seven year old. She begs me to take her out again tomorrow but I delay our next lesson a few days, knowing how sore her arms are going to be tomorrow.

I feel refreshed today, rejuvenated even. I had been dreading teaching Lily archery but I found that I could keep some of the worse memories away, and instead I was filled with the good ones.

After I said goodnight to Lily I walk into Peeta's and my bedroom. I lay down next to him and we start talking about our day. I tell him about Lily's lesson and the memories and he smiles all the way through. Peeta tells me about the new intern at the bakery and how he seems promising. I lean against Peeta's shoulder and start kissing there, leading a trail up his neck until I reach his smiling lips.

"Let's have a baby." I whisper against them. He sits up suddenly and wraps me up in his arms holding me close.

"Stay with me." I say into his chest.

"Always." He replies, before his lips cover my own. 

_Can you say fluff? I sure can! Wow, I never thought I'd be able to write something so randomly happy (even if it's just a flashback). What did you think? Leave a review please! Since school is starting in a week or so updates will be once or twice a week from now one. One) because I'll be busy. Two) I'm suffering from writer's block. The next chapter is half done and I'm not sure where to go from here. :P_

_Have a good evening!_


	10. Growing

To say I'm overprotective of my baby bump is an understatement. It is my cocoon, my safety nest. It may be riddled with scars but it is his home for nine months and I plan to make the most of it. The only people who are allowed to touch it are Peeta, Lily and the doctor. Haymitch tried to touch my belly once. I yelled at him for over an hour and he vowed to never touch it again. Peeta says I'm being paranoid but I don't care. I have an excuse; I'm pregnant.

Though I had to cut Lily's lessons short due to my condition I know she understands. I promise that we'll start them back up again after the baby is here. In return, she insists I braid her hair every day and I grudgingly do. I hate seeing her curls all squashed up but it's what she wants.

After much argument Peeta finally agreed to let me temporarily transfer our room to the first floor guest room. I don't ever go upstairs anymore and I kiss Lily on her cheek every night before Peeta takes her to her bedroom to tuck her in. I ask Lily if she minds and she tells me she doesn't. To say Lily is excited to have a little brother along the way is an understatement. She is beyond ecstatic and has been telling everyone at school about it. It's kind of nice that we waited because now she can fully understand what's going on. I hope nothing goes wrong for her sake as well as Peeta's and my own. She'd be heartbroken if we lost him now. At this point I'm eight months in so even if there is a mishap of some sort there's a good chance he would make it.

For once we're ahead of the game in terms of naming; Asher Finn Mellark. It just seems right to us. It's not a flower name but it's a tree one. Peeta chose it out and immediately fell in love; who was I to deny him? Though the nightmares have returned they're not as bad as they were with Lily or Affodell; maybe because of how safe I feel.

And another thing; I am _huge._ Like absolutely humongous. If the doctor hadn't assured me just a few weeks ago that there is in fact only one baby boy in my belly than I would have been sure there were twins on the way. But no, just one big healthy baby. It makes me smile to think of how well I've cared for him. He'll make it, and he will be perfect, those two things I am sure of.

Peeta's continues his greeting ritual like he did with Lily and Affodell. Everything just feels so right. I may still have nightmares about the Hunger Games, but neither Coin or Snow or present in my dreams. That helps, a lot. It hurts my feet to walk and I'm constantly snapping at everyone despite my happiness; blame it on the hormones I guess.

Two weeks later my water breaks and I am suddenly so terrified I can't breathe. Peeta calmly takes me to the hospital where they set me up on a bed. I then proceed to endure sixteen long hours of labour. I only had nine hours with Lily, "This is complete bullshit!" I yell at Peeta. He looks halfway between jumping for joy and passing out. "And this is the only other baby you're going to get!" I yell too. He nods in confirmation, squeezing my hand. Finally the doctor comes in and says I can push. I can safely say that this was way harder than Lily's was, even with her facing the wrong way. Peeta keeps whispering encouraging words into my ear. I accidentally break one of his fingers in my grip; great wife I am.

Asher is eventually introduced to the world and I am unsurprised by his blue eyes, though they are already darker than Lily's are. His head is piled with soft curly blonde hair but I wonder if it will stay that way. I rest my head against the pillow and Peeta picks up our son for the first time. Tears stream silently from my eyes. He is here, he is okay, he is safe. Peeta's hand grips my own.

"You did it." He whispers into my ear, before I quickly succumb to sleep as I hear my son quietly fussing in Peeta's arms.

As it turned out, his eyes turned grey; matching my seam eyes. His hair also lost a bit of its curl, falling around his face in soft waves instead. He is safe, and he is here to stay.

Sorry this is short. You can expect updates to be irregular now that school has started. I wasn't sure where I was going to go from here before but I finally have an idea about what the next chapter will be like. Hooray! Please Review!


	11. Almost Time

It's time. Or at least it almost is. Lily is now nine years old. In a mere two years they start teaching the history of the Hunger Games, and it's like I can't breathe again. It makes me antsy. Peeta can see it in the way that I clutch her tightly to my chest, willing her youth to stay. We had agreed when Lily was born that we would start telling her about the Games when she was ten. We want her to know our story because we're not sure what they'll teach. We don't want to blind-side her from our involvement in them either. I just have no idea how nine years had already breezed by.

I lie awake in bed and decide to see whether Ash has woken up yet. It's only five am but his sleep schedule has always been erratic. I'm careful not to jostle Peeta so he can hopefully still get another hour in before he goes to work.

I pass by Lily's room on my way to Ash and peek in. Her curls surround her cheeks, making her look younger than she actually is. Surely she's not nine already? I continue making my way to Ash to distract myself and stop myself from tearing up.

He sits up in his bed waiting patiently for me or Peeta get him. He clutches his toes and his golden hair looks like a halo around his head. He looks up when I come in and loudly exclaims "Mama!"

Shh, I hush him; mindful not the wake the rest of my sleeping family. He is immediately quiet and looks remorseful for his actions. I'm not quite sure how he does it, but he manages to be the most expressional person I've ever met. And he manages to do it as a one year old. It's like Peeta with his words, only Ash can do it with just a look.

He holds out his arms and I pick him up though I can see that he is still tired. I walk over to the rocking chair and sing to him softly:

_Deep in the meadow, under the willow  
A bed of grass, a soft green pillow  
Lay down your head, and close your sleepy eyes  
And when you awake, the sun will rise._

_Here it's safe, here it's warm  
Here the daisies guard you from harm  
Here your dreams are sweet and tomorrow brings them true  
Here is the place where I love you._

Ash's eyes flutter close but I remain seated in the chair, slowly rubbing my hands along his chubby little cheek.

A few days later we take them to the meadow for the first time. They had been in the woods a fair amount but never to the meadow.

Lily dances around the dandelions, and picks them so we can make a soup later. Ash tries to follow her but falls often. He is always quick to get up again and keep going. Besides when he was first-born I can't recall him ever crying. I'm not sure whether it's my independence or Peeta's resilience showing through though.

As they play in the meadow, what they don't know is that they dance on a graveyard. One day (and that day is coming soon) we'll teach her about it. I just hope that she'll be able to finally understand why her parents are abnormally jumpy. Why they sometimes wake up in a cold sweat and are gasping for air. Time has made the wounds heal, but there will always be a scar.

_Deep in the meadow, hidden far away  
A cloak of leaves, A moonbeam ray, Forget your woes and let your troubles lay  
And when again it's morning, they'll wash away._

_Here it's safe, here it's warm  
Here the daisies guard you from every harm  
Here your dreams are sweet and tomorrow brings them true  
Here is the place where I love you._

Okay, so I am immensely sorry it's been almost three weeks. I've been really indecisive about how the story should go from here. I'm going on a writing binge so expect more chapters soon. Reviews I haven't replied to I will reply to _very _shortly. I hope you enjoyed it and don't mind that it's short.


	12. Patient Impatience

Wow this was supposed to be a mini chapter and has ended up being the longest one yet. :P Changing the point of view (just for this chapter).

"Dad!" I hear a shrill scream though I don't go into panic mode. I've heard this one enough times to know that my daughter is not in any sort of danger. She's probably just annoyed at Ash or something. Unfortunately there is too much of an age gap for them to have a close relationship yet but Katniss and I hope this will change when Ash grows from toddler to child.

Before I even have a chance to move from my spot in the bakery, Lily has burst in and is demanding my attention. Ash follows behind her.

"Ash will not stop following me around. Make him stop!" She tells me.

"Lily, its Ash's birthday so I'm sorry but you're going to have to put up today. It's not every day your baby brother turns two. And aren't you two supposed to be at Haymitch's for another hour?" Katniss and I were using Ash's birthday as an excuse to have a get together with old friends. Lily will be turning ten in a few months and we thought it would also be nice for her to get to know everyone again before we start telling her about the Games. Show her that we're all human, despite what we've all done and been through.

"Haymitch is outside, I was chasing the birds around again and one bit me! They never go after Ash, it's not fair." Lily loudly declared as her loose braids swish around her face.

"Well maybe you shouldn't aggravate them by chasing them around. We all know Ash doesn't do that." I am silently displeased that Haymitch even let Ash around the geese at all.

"I can feel your displeasure through the wall you know." Haymitch remarks as he comes into the bakery. In the meantime Ash has found a chair in the back room. He's looking at a book and waiting patiently for my attention. I decide to ignore Haymitch in favour of my son.

"How's the birthday boy?" At my voice, Ash looks up at me brightly with his grey seam eyes.

"Daddy!" I hear him let out before he runs into my waiting arms. I hug him tightly and lift him up onto the counter. Everything is cleaned up at this point as I was just finishing decorating Ash's cake.

"Cookie, please?" He asks in the most polite voice a two year old can manage. He looks up at me and his eyes beg for me to give in to him. Katniss says I'm soft but I know she's the same around him too. Lily had always tried the puppy eyes but she could never quite pull it off like Ash does.

"Don't mind if I do." Haymitch reaches around the counter and quickly snatches one from the display.

"You know, if you were patient like Ash or Lily," (who I can see wiggling very _impatiently_ for a cookie as well) "you would've gotten one fresh from the oven." I say as I take out some warm ginger cookies. I hand one to Lily who's trying to be patient and failing miserably. Ash is still looking at me with his big doe eyes as I hand him one as well.

"Thank ya." He says before taking a nibble into the corner of one, while Lily has completely forgotten her manners and snatched another warm cookie to give to Haymitch and another for herself.

"And thank you little missy." Haymitch says to Lily as he messes up the hair on her head, loosening her already imperfect braids.

"I hope there's more from where those came from!" I hear a loud voice boom. It's none other than little Finn (who is now twenty-four) carrying two boys I would recognize anywhere. They may be far more tan than kids normally are from the seam but it must be really sunny in District 2 for Gale's five year old twin boys to be so dark. They quickly demand Finn to let them down as I hand them all a cookie as well. It's still hard to see Finn sometimes. He is the splitting image of his father right down to size and bone structure. The only thing he got from Annie I'm sure is an even temperament.

"You know you're going to go out of business if you keep giving handouts." I hear another voice say. I can see Ash was getting nervous with so many people around (especially Gale's loud boys who are now banging pots together). He curls against my chest from his perch on the counter. I quickly lift him up and sit him on my hip. Ash tucks his chin into the curve of my neck so he can see over my shoulder but won't have to face anyone. None other than Gale comes through the door with his newborn little girl sitting against his chest, and I see Gale holding her like she's made of glass. She looks so small and it's strange seeing Gale so quiet and gentle with her. Before I can start in with conversation with him, Finn steals my attention.

"I'm just here for a drop-off. We need to finish some birthday preparations for my namesake. I'm off." Finn remarks as he grabs two cookies from the tray. Haymitch follows him out, probably heading to my house to start the birthday "toastings" (his excuse to start drinking).

"Where's the wife at?" I finally ask Gale.

"Yours or mine?" He asks me. We share a small knowing smile before I reply.

"Both, I guess."

"Probably comforting Annie after seeing Katniss skin a deer or something." He remarks playfully, and stops the boys from making a mess of my bakery. Gale and I catch up as Lily takes the twins outside and plays games with them just outside the bakery window. After a few minutes Ash wants down and joins them.

"How's sleep with the new baby?" I ask him, seeing the bags under his eyes.

"It would be fine if Ross and Ryder would stop waking her up all the time. Poor Violet just wants to sleep." He shifts her weight slightly in his arms as he speaks about her and looks at her fondly. Ash comes back in then and walks to the back room to get his book again and looks at it quietly.

"I hope she's like Ash. The boys are already such a handful." Gale remarks, almost to himself.

"Ash may look like me, but he is purely Katniss showing through." I tell him.

"I don't know." Gale says. "He seems way too easy-going to be just Katniss' kid."

"I guess they're always a mix." I reply in turn. I can safely say that even ten years ago I could never imagine Gale in my bakery and talking casually about our kids. They may say that time heals all wounds but we both know that's not completely true. No matter how close Gale and Katniss are they'll never be friends like before. Primrose will always be a looming presence.

"Have you told Lily yet?" Gale asks me after a moment. He doesn't need to explain what he means. I look towards Ash to see if he's heard but he's absorbed in his own world. I turn back to Gale.

"Not yet; when she turns ten. Before they start learning about it in school." I tell him morosely, knowing that we are running out of time.

"That's kind of a crappy gift you know." He says good-naturedly. I let out a snort before sobering up.

"A month after she turns ten is what Katniss and I agreed on. It just seems too soon though. It seems like too much to load onto a ten year old. I know Katniss hasn't said this but it makes us feel so guilty; having to make her learn about so much horror." I confess in him.

"You know we lived with that horror. Since the day we were born." Gale tells me meaningfully.

"I'm sorry Gale but what you are getting at?" I ask him exasperatedly. I'm already exhausted from this conversation, how am I supposed to tell my little girl about it?

"Just don't underestimate her. She _is _yours and Katniss' child. The kid of the two most resilient people I have met in my entire life. Well, you two and Johanna." Johanna, I've forgotten whether or not she is coming today. I hope she is. I'm transported back to decades ago. Right after I had been taken by the Capitol. The first time I heard Johanna's scream as they injected venom and various poisons into our bodies. Hearing my own scream for the first time, but not realizing that the strangled sound was the one escaping my own throat.

I will my body to calm down and unclench my hands from the side of a counter I was unaware I was holding onto. I confess in Gale something I have been even too afraid to tell Katniss.

"I'm scared she'll think we're monsters; especially me. I'm afraid she'll get the nightmares that causes us to wake up screaming. Screaming for me to get away from her, scared I'm going to hurt." I looked at Gale's daughter meaningfully.

"Peeta, you are the kindest gentlest person I know. You never even killed anyone in the Games." Gale tries to comfort me, but not being quite sure how to.

"No? I tried to kill Katniss though." I regret the words as soon as they're out of my mouth and I look behind me to see that Ash is not in the back room.

I breathe a sigh of relief when I spot him outside the window with Lily and the boys. He didn't hear me.

"I think we should stop talking about this for now." Gale nods his head at my words. We head outside so we can bring the kids back to the house where the party should be starting soon.

Author's note: Long chapter is long. I hope you guys liked it. This is sort of my sorry for taking so long to update. I was going to make it two chapters but there isn't a good place to split this chapter at all so I decided not to. I hope you enjoy it. As always please R & R.


	13. Changing Love

**Author's Note: For those of you who remember my chapter 7 author's note (I highly doubt you do otherwise you are way to invested in my life). I was really excited that my story had gotten to 639 views after 7 chapters. Today (September 28****th**** when I wrote this chapter) my total was 659 with my most recent update. 658 today alone! And I know a lot of people just read the first few chapters and don't really get to the most recent ones but this was incredibly exciting for me and I want to thank reviewers who make me so happy.**

**On with the chapter! Not Katniss POV again. :P Next chapter we'll pick back up with her. I'm having too much fun in other people's minds.**

Peeta and Katniss have got to be the most coddling parents ever. They hardly ever let their kids out of site and it's only when they are one hundred per cent sure they are with a trusted guardian. Ash I understand as he's still a toddler but Lily is almost nine years old.

Sometimes I wonder if it were better if someone else taught them about the Games besides their parents. They are just so messed up about it, and I guess Haymitch the old drunk is too. I never understood how they bonded, but then again I didn't understand for a long time why she chose Peeta.

You see I love Katniss a lot. It's just not the way I used to. Our relationship was easy before the Games. It just made sense. I never understood why she couldn't drop Peeta after the Games. I knew for safety purposes they had to act close and lovey, but she was always concerned about him, even putting herself at risk to save him. It didn't go unnoticed to me that Katniss wouldn't leave District 12 without Peeta with her. I know she had no idea then, but she had already chosen him over me.

I was grasping at straws trying to make sense at her affections towards both me and him. Denying at every chance that she couldn't be without him, and she completely denied it too. Katniss didn't want to love someone the Capitol was forcing her to, and I can understand why. I wanted her to be the same as before, little did I know that she was permanently altered, and the only one who could understand was the person she went it all through with.

After the 75th Games things only became clearer as she wasn't herself without Peeta around; even when he tried to strangle her with his bare hands. For a long time I thought it was from guilt, why she wanted him to be exactly the same as before. I didn't realize that Katniss just wanted Peeta to love her again; she couldn't even see this herself. I realized that I also expected her to be the same after the first games; its funny how truly similar we are.

Prim's end wasn't our love's coffin; it was simply the final nail sealing it shut. It took me three years to realize this, to see all of these things clearly. I think that's when any sense of my romantic love for her died. In the competition for Katniss' love I was never even a contender. Peeta had her without even trying.

It would be easy to see that he is everything I'm not; patient, warm, way too likeable, always honest despite his ability to twist words. Katniss and I are too much of the same; angry, strong, loyal, and sometimes arrogant. I never thought of it but I guess Peeta is strong too; strong enough to fight the tracker jacket venom that courses through his veins; strong enough to give Katniss up again and again; strong enough to die for the people he loves.

Even if Katniss and I were together, even if Peeta didn't exist; we wouldn't have lasted. We're almost the same person; the only difference is my decisiveness. You can't add fire to fire; it will just burn the whole forest down.

As I walk with my little Violet pressed to my chest I remise over how much our lives have changed. When I was eighteen years old my best friend was sent to kill twenty-three children in order to preserve the life of her sister. Two years later her sister will have fallen practically at the hands of her best friend, but there will also never be a single Hunger Game again.

Every day I am eternally gratefully that the baby girl I clutch to my chest will never go hungry, will never be sent to be killed, and will never be forced to harm another soul.

Peeta sees that I'm lost in thought as he holds Ash in his arms but is considerate enough to let me be. That's another thing about him, he is impossible to hate. Lily walks ahead with each hand holding one of Ross' and Ryder's. From behind it's like seeing Katniss again, just slightly off.

From the back the only difference is the two braids instead of one, and how loose they are due to curls. She turns to look back and I am startled by her blue eyes, seeming so out of place on the Katniss look-a-like. If her eyes were just a bit lighter than they would have matched Prim's instead of Peeta's. Lily smiles at me before her attention is stolen by Ross who pulls on her hand excitedly when he sees the balloons at the front of the Mellark household.

I would imagine my eighteen year old self would have been green with envy, outraged by how I had lost her. Now all I feel is a sense of relief. I let out a large breathe with consequently stirs Violet who starts crying quietly. I was wondering when she'd wake up from her nap.

When we get to the house Neala offers to take her but I refuse and instead make my way to the fridge to heat up some milk. I need to come home from work earlier, I don't want to miss a minute of the boys' or Violet's lives. As I look down at her bright grey eyes now (the boys both have Neala's brown ones), I think to myself that this definitely isn't the life I imagined for myself. This is one thousand times better.

**I hope you liked it, and like I said before, last chapter without Katniss. I wanted to explain why Gale was no longer angry or spiteful. Neala is his wife if you didn't guess before; I don't really care for her character through so we won't be learning a lot about her. :P Please R & R.**


	14. Reluctant

**Author's Note: Wow, it has been a month since I last updated. I am so sorry, I hadn't realized it would be this long. I've been really nervous about writing this next chapter because it's kind of a huge deal. I've also have three midterms, two papers, and have ran an actual restaurant (true story) for the last month which is why (plus me being nervous about this chapter) it's taken so long to update. My glee story has been somewhat easier to write so that's had one update (plus one today). Okay so here goes.**

"I don't understand. Why would this be called the Hunger Games? Shouldn't it be like the Killing Games, or Last Man Standing or something?" Lily asks us, leaving us both baffled. Peeta and I sit across from each other, with Lily at the head. We each hold one of her hands.

Asher is over at Haymitch's for the afternoon while we ease Lily onto the topic. Neither of us slept well last night, feeling guilty over the information we would finally have to start telling her. She's recently gotten really good at wielding a bow and arrow and had her first kill, a squirrel. She seemed proud of herself but made me promise we would only hunt as necessary, no use in killing animals that we wouldn't eat. I soundly agreed with her, knowing that I'd never kill anything simply for sports. Oh, the irony.

Peeta speaks up. "I guess the Capitol wanted to make it seem like it was less vicious, it was for entertainment purposes after all." We had just explained to her the thirteen districts of Panem and strictly the rules of the game and how they were used throughout the districts. She also knows somewhat about the grain exchange for more slips, and the option of volunteering for selected tributes. We've also told her about the Capitol and how the arenas in the Games work. Lily just doesn't know how it applies to us specifically. We didn't want to weigh her down with too much information at once.

"Okay, I think that's enough for today." I look to Peeta who clearly doesn't agree but he won't argue with my either. The last hour has been extremely taxing on both of us.

"We'll tell you more about it tomorrow okay, hun?" Lily nods at me before coming up to hug me, curling against my chest and playing with the frays on my shirt.

"I'm sorry you guys had to experience that; living in the district with so much fear and poverty." Peeta's eyes prick at her words but I am just too numb to really process what's going on. Peeta leans forward and kisses the top of her head.

"Thank you, honey." He tells her quietly.

"Can I go over to Haymitch's now? I want to play with Asher." I nod to her and watch her get off my lap, walk out the door and cross the yard. I only look away when I see that she has made it into Haymitch's house.

I let out a shaky breath and Peeta links our hands together before pulling them to his face to kiss my wrist.

"What are we going to do tomorrow? Today was hard enough and it was just the basics." I confess to him.

"We'll figure something out." He mumbles against my wrist. "We always do."

I lean forward from my seat across the kitchen table and kiss his lips soundly; needing both him and the comfort from it. He reaches his hand up, securing my face to his and nibbles on my bottom lip. Even after all these years he leaves me breathless and I wonder what I have done to deserve someone as selfless and beautiful as he is.

The next day comes way too fast for our liking. We find ourselves sitting at the kitchen table again at one o'clock just after lunch and Asher is at Haymitch's house again.

"Okay, so you remember seeing pictures around of your Auntie Prim?" I ask her. Lily nods her head solemnly.

"Was she killed in the Games?" She asks me quietly. I'm surprised by how well she is able to make some of these connections. When she was younger we had just told her that Prim and Peeta's brothers had died fighting in a war, although she hadn't really understood how it happened.

"No, honey. But your Auntie Prim's name was selected when she was twelve." Her blue eyes widen dramatically and her eyes swim. She looks over to me quickly.

"Did she win?" The pure look of terror in her eyes almost cause me to breakdown but I force myself to keep a poker face.

"No, she was never in the Games." She looks relieved for a moment and I dread the next words that come out of my mouth. "You remember when I told you that some people can volunteer as well?" I take a deep breath at her pause. "Well, I volunteered for my little sister. I didn't want her to get hurt." I explain to her slowly.

At first, she seems unable to comprehend my words and what they truly mean. She studies the grains of wood in the kitchen table before her eyes suddenly snap up towards mine. This is the moment I've been fearing, how she'll react knowing that I've been in the Games, Peeta too. But Lily has the tendency to surprise us. She jumps out of her kitchen seat and sits down on my lap and hugs me tightly. She starts shaking and I know that she is crying, but I'm relieved she isn't scared of me.

"Mommy, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry for you." She tells me brokenly. I let a few tears of my own escape as well and murmur into her hair.

"Me too, sweetheart. Me too." After a few moments, I lean back and I hate the words I tell her.

"We've got a few more things to tell you today. So take a deep breath." She follows my instructions immediately. "Let yourself calm down a little bit okay?" My nods and makes her way back to her chair, but clutches my hand to her chest tightly; refusing to break contact between us. Peeta leans over and rubs her back soothingly and she relaxes into his touch. He starts speaking to her.

"Okay, so you know how there is almost a male tribute as well right? So, that year… my name was called as well." I can tell that this isn't becoming easier because she looks up at Peeta and her question comes out hesitantly.

"Did one of your brothers volunteer for you?" Her hand loosens slightly but it hurts none the less. She thinks I might've killed Peeta's brother; I try to not let it get to me. Peeta eyes meet mine for a minute before he continues.

"No, no one volunteered for me." He looks her in the eyes and I know that she's really confused at this point.

"But, only one can win." She says quietly.

"Rules sometimes change." We wait for her to respond but she only remains quiet which makes her sudden outburst even more unexpected.

"It's not fair! One of them should have volunteered. You're a little brother, Prim's a little sister. They should've been like mom. I hate them! I hate them!" Peeta grabs ahold of her then and forces her to hug him. She struggles against his grip and punches into his stomach. She keeps yelling how much she hates them but we let her get it out of her system. It's better than to internalize everything like Peeta and I used to do. After she wears herself out, I stroke her hair and bring her back to the present.

"I don't want to learn anymore." Lily tells us quietly. "I don't want to know what happens next. It's not right and it's not fair." I hear the fear in her voice, wondering who we've killed as children. She hides her face in Peeta's shoulder and give her a moment before asking her to turn around. Lily sits down on Peeta's lap and he brings his arms around her. I look her in the eyes before I continue.

"You're going to learn more about it in school next year, we think it will be better if you hear more from us now." She looks back into my eyes as well, resigned over what she's to learn soon.

"Okay, but not tomorrow. Weekends aren't for learning." She tells me adamantly.

"Okay, we'll pick up on Monday. Does that sound okay?" She nods her head at me, but refuses to meet my eyes now.

"I love you sweetheart." I tell her and grab her hands. She's hesitant but wraps her hands around mine regardless.

"I love you too, forever."

**Author's Note: Okay, so a little heart-breaking. And more is to come but I think this is a pretty good start. I'm not going to go over every aspect obviously but she's definitely going to get a clear overview. I hope you enjoyed this anyway. **** This is not edited because I wanted it up ASAP.**


	15. Namesake

**Author's Note: Okay, so this has probably been the hardest chapter I've had to write. For some reason it just wasn't coming out properly and I still don't like it that much but I figured I'd post it because it's been two weeks. I hope you enjoy none-the-less.**

Each day kills me a little bit more, having to tell her about our contribution. She hugs us just a little bit tighter, becomes just that more protective of Asher. She looks tired and I know she doesn't sleep well anymore, but at least she doesn't have nightmares plaguing her like Peeta and I do. They're filled with Lily screaming for us to get away from her; grabbing Ash and running into the woods. They keep running until they run into Cato, or Clove, or Marvel. I watch as they kill them quickly, not even giving me a chance to protect them. It's been a long time since I've dreamed of them and I know dredging up past memories to tell Lily about the Games is what's causing it.

She goes to Haymitch's a little less frequently, understanding why he drinks so much. She gets upset if Peeta and I ever joke about it, even when Haymitch himself does as well.

Lily still asks me to take her into the woods, her eyes more determined and focused than before. I'm not sure whether this scares me or not. Her tread becomes lighter, her movements more precise. I often have to remind myself that I was her age when my father died and that she is just becoming a more capable archer.

We'd recently been telling her more about Rue, she knows what is coming next. She shuddered when I had told her about the tracker jackets; I dread to tell her more of the significance in our lives it has become. I didn't miss her smile when I told her how Peeta saved my life.

"So, you whistled then? So you could find each other again?" Lily asks quietly.

"Rue sang, I whistled, like this." I quietly whistle the tune to her, and she repeats it.

"So I was able to destroy their food supply using the land mines and my arrows, and I went to go find Rue." I pause for a moment, Lily looks at me morosely. We've only bothered with significant events, which has so far been more about Capitol training, getting supplies (not explaining the bloodshed), tracker jackets, and Rue finding me. After this we are just planning on getting to the rule change and how everything ended.

"Can we stop here today? I think I know what's coming next but I'd like to take a break."

Peeta cuts in gently. "It's not going to get any easier hearing it tomorrow. We just have a few more minutes to get through today. Okay, sweetheart?" He asks, brushing a curl behind her ear. She nods her head, so Peeta continues where I left off.

"When your mother got back to the campsite the last fire had not been set. She heard Rue calling for her and found her caught in a net. While she was distracted, Marvel – from District 1 – threw a spear at them, so Katniss shot an arrow at him in response." Lily sucks in a breath. "The spear hit Rue, and your mom sang her to sleep and decorated her hair with flowers before the helicopter came to pick her up." My eyes prick with tears and for once I can't keep them at bay. They fall silently down my cheeks and I see some fall down Lily`s as well. I lean forward and kiss them off her cheeks. Peeta continues.

"We didn`t know this at the time, but District 11 revolted because of this. They never expected tributes to act kindly towards each other, especially in the Games. They decided that it was the time to rise up against the Capitol despite their lack of power."

Lily remains silent for a moment, her tears interrupted by a realization.

"Did the District 1 boy die?" She asks me, the real question hanging silently between us.

"Yes." I tell her simply, she nods her head again.

"What song did you sing to Rue?" This question throws me, but she always seems to keep doing that.

"The Meadow Song."

"Like you used to sing to Auntie Prim?" I smile.

"The same." Lily looks me in the eyes and offers me a small smile; she doesn`t shy away from me in fear like I expected her to. Lily just continues to hold my hand.

A few days later, we are all sitting together at the kitchen table finishing up breakfast when she asks me to braid her hair like she does almost every morning. I start combing through her curls and prepare the two sections when she asks me to do only one braid. I do so in silence. When I`m done she turns around and hugs me close. We had just finished telling her about the 74th Games, and most importantly Cato`s speech in the end.

"Why did you want just one braid today?" She takes a moment to answer.

"I want everyone to know who I am; that I am the daughter of the star-crossed lovers from District 12. I want to be just as strong as you are and prove to everyone that your efforts were not in vain. I know there`s a lot more to the story but I can take it, because I am the child of two survivors."

I`ve never been so proud of her in my entire life; when everything was over I did anything I could to run away from the Games. And here my daughter sits, ready to face the world in a way I never was.


	16. New Perspective

**Author's Note: Okay, I'm so sorry for how long this has taken. It is officially the last chapter. BUT, there will be a sequel coming in a month or so. I apologize again, life got busy. :P This is officially the first fanfiction I have ever finished that is longer than two chapters. I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. The sequel will pick up where this is left off, and it will be much more original because it will be from the perspective of a character I created, just like this chapter is.**

I hate knowing. It hurts too much. I hate that this is killing my parents to tell me, it's been killing them ever since they were reaped. There is no escaping these feelings. I don't ask my mom to braid my hair anymore; I think it's too painful for her and dad to see it. Instead I coil up the curls and weave them into a bun.

I'm furious when I learn of how Aunt Prim passed; she was barely older than me. I can't imagine being a nurse in the middle of a war right now. She was so brave. My parents are so brave. I'm a coward in comparison. I can't even bring myself to talk to others to try and make friends; and yet my parents have fought for their lives time and time again.

When I told my mother this she disagreed. "You're at your bravest when there isn't an option not to be. Luckily, you've never been put in a situation like that and you never will." I feel guilty that my mother and father as teenagers had to learn this coping method.

Sometimes I dream of the Hunger Games. But it's very abstract, even with the book. I guess I'm grateful for that. My parents said I could look at it as long as I put it back on the top shelf away from Asher's prying hands. He's almost five and that's way too young to know. When I take him to the meadow I'm extra careful, I think my parents trust me now that I know their history; and I know sometimes it's nice to mourn in solitude.

I think I've become more mature then the average almost twelve year old. Most parents don't tell their kids about the Games and just let the school board do it. I think that's irresponsible. Each person has a perspective that should be heard. I know why my parents' in particular decided to tell me. They are so woven up in it, and we don't know what the schools will be teaching yet. Mom and Dad wanted to ensure that I had the right perspective and know all of their motivations for why it happened; for why my mom killed Snow and wasn't sent to jail. I know that once other children learn I will be treated differently, though I'm not quite sure how yet.

I feel guilt for so many children that have no idea, and their parents' are shirking themselves of duty by just letting school do it.

I'm not afraid of my father like I thought I'd be. It does help that he hasn't had an explosion since I was five. I remember it very clearly. We were planting primroses in the garden when we smelt something else (I didn't realize at the time that this was for my lost sister). Down the street a little, a new family was planting roses, and their heavenly scent filled the air. I remember how my dad's arms and face grew taunt and he suddenly stormed down the street. He bent down and starting ripping out the roses and no matter what I said he wouldn't stop. He got cuts from the thorns all down his arms and hands. I remember not being scared of him, but being scared he would hurt himself. I ran to Haymitch's house and he came out and calmed dad down. He then yelled at him for losing control while I was around.

They both looked at me with blue and grey eyes and I think I finally understood that they were keeping something big from me.

"I love you." I said to my daddy.

"I love you too darling." He said and he picked me up in his arms and held me close.

Ever since I would on occasion see my dad go taunt, but he never lost control again.

It's like my mom, but she's better at internalizing things. She doesn't have an explosion but her eyes go blank and I know that she is remembering. I'm stuck between letting it pass or trying to distract her.

I think Asher knows about this. The other day the blank expression came across her face and Asher had just gotten out of bed.

"Mama, Mama." It didn't matter how many times he said it, she was gone in her own world. He looked at me confused, and then became sad. I picked him up over my shoulder which caused him to squeal and laugh. I got a muffin and a glass of milk for his breakfast and put them at his spot on the table. Once he was happily munching along, mom finally came to and kissed our foreheads. Ash smiled, but it wasn't as big as usual. It's amazing that a four year old can know if something is up, but I guess I was around the same age when I started guessing too.

My mom holds me to her side and says, "Thank you Lily, you're such a great older sister."

I hug her and whisper, "I love you."

She smiles and whispers back, "I love you, too."

And that is enough. As long as we love each other, everything will be okay.

**Author's Note: I hope you enjoyed it. I'm a little sad that it is over. But stay tuned! Sequel will be coming in about a month :D I think the sequel will be called "From the Ground Up". But in the description I'll say that it's a sequel. I was originally planning on more Katniss chapters but I felt like it would get too repetitive. Please R & R. Thank you to all my loyal readers, I love you. **


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